But I feel like I can't. I work hard, but sometimes I feel like I don't work hard enough. I spend most of my days on a computer or my iPad, reading blogs, working on my shop, trying to put together quality content for my blog, gathering inspiration, making lists and budgets and plans..but I feel stagnant. Do I not work hard enough? If I worked harder, would I feel more successful in completing my goals or will I still feel like I'm accomplishing nothing? Will I be happy?
The internet and blogger community doesn't help much, either. I can't help but read popular blogs and wonder, "Why isn't this me?" I read a lot of posts in which bloggers wax poetic on the balance between their work and their day-to-day life. I don't feel that pressure. I think my life is well-balanced. Is that my problem? Do I not spend enough time on my online self? Should I have to?
I don't know at what point I will stop and say, "I did it. I'm done. My goals have been realized." Maybe if I'm a featured seller on Etsy or Blogger of the Moment on Modcloth, maybe when I sign the papers on my new home and office space, maybe when I post something basic on my blog and get 300 comments on how "inspiring" I am, maybe never. Something I learned at the Texas Style Council is that "comparison is the thief of joy." Perhaps I spend too much time comparing myself to others. Maybe if I just focus on Lauren and her gigantic, never-ending list of goals, I'll be satisfied. Only time will tell, I suppose. For now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, but with a little more intensity. I'm hoping my hard work will pay off, but even if it doesn't I'll still be happy just being Lauren.