"When the Irrational is Rational"
You guys may or may not know Amy Morby. For those that don't, she's a smart, thoughtful, and beautiful woman who I'm honored to call a friend. Amy has always been known for writing inspiring and interesting blog posts that many people can relate to, but one of her more recent posts really stood out to me. I asked Amy if I could share some of her words here on my blog, and she said it was okay.
Tomorrow is my 27th birthday, but today is the day I'm celebrating. I'm actually on my way to lunch with my family, then drinking at a bar with friends later. I've always been one to say "age ain't nothing but a number," but advice like that is easy to give and hard to receive. I've been feeling pretty unaccomplished lately, and reading "When the Irrational is Rational" by Amy, I realized that I'm not alone, I am pretty damn accomplished, and the future is bright. Thank you, Amy for this early-birthday present. I hope you all read these words and the rest of the post on Amy's blog. Have a beautiful day.
when the irrational is rational
Shit, it’s been a rough week. Do you ever have those days when you can’t do anything right? And nothing is particularly wrong, but you just feel inexplicably like shit? And like you’d rather be anyone but yourself. And if it were a viable option, you would dig a dank, dark hole and crawl into it and not come out until the world slows down to a reasonable pace I’m capable of living.
This has been one of those weeks. Nothing feels right, and there’s not one thing I like about myself or what I’m doing. I mess up at work, everything fails that I touch, and even my banana bread wasn’t good. And my guitar practice blows. And I snap at Mitch, and I give up on everything. Including cleaning the bathroom. Because it’s all totally handleable yet unreasonably NOT bearable.
And food doesn’t taste good and music isn’t the magic it usually is. Even Diet Coke tastes less sparkly and Netflix is just really grinding my gears with the dearth of new material I haven’t yet watched.
And these are the weeks when you totally know you’re being an asshole. And you know you should snap out of it and be present because life is great and beautiful and all that cliche bull that’s truth yet the last thing you want to hear on weeks like these.
You’re just goddamned depressed, and all you want to do is wallow. Because it’s too hot outside and work sucks and you can’t do anything right. Not one single thing. And the future is so nebulous and your heart hurts from the uncertainty and the pressure of just living. It’s crushing, and it’s consuming, and all you feel like you’re capable of doing is sleeping because sleep means you don’t have to have any human interaction and your boss doesn’t hate you and you have no obligations or goals to live up to and conquer.
These are the every day things that become completely impossible on these types of weeks. Just getting up in the morning is unthinkable. Because waking up means failing and hurting and facing all of these horrendously uncomfortable situations human beings have to face every day because it’s something we just call life. And the daily grind. And there’s really no escaping it.
That’s just it. There’s no escaping it. I AM the one that needs to change, and the world isn’t going to change for me just because I’m a heaping stinking mass of anxiety. That’s where the real shackles get locked into place. Because I know there’s no escaping it, and when you feel like this, there’s no changing yourself either.
So what do you do?
So I do what I can and I let all judgments reside. I have absolutely no concrete answers on what to do with weeks like this outside of just let it be, mama. Trust that it will change. It may come with the change of the season and it may come when the new Arcade Fire album drops. Just keep going. Because I know I’ve beat it before, and I know I can do it again.
Resiliency is a beautiful thing. Our ability to cope with weeks like these is completely underrated. It’s completely useless to think you can just will yourself out of weeks like these. No matter how much you try to change your attitude, you’re still going to have these weeks. The trick is to let them happen, KNOW they’re happening, be present while they do, and let the judgment go.
It is what it is. And it will get better.